Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Could I Have Been Anyone Other Than Me?

I think sometimes, if I knew what was going to happen, would I have changed anything about my life? Would I have had Jessica or Kelli, knowing they would die young? Would I have done the things, as small and as inconsequential as they seemed at the time, knowing that they would all culminate in what I am today? Would I have gone left instead of right? Up instead of down?

Hell. Yes.

Not just because I know I can't change time, but because I would have missed out on all the small and large memories, the fun and the heartache. It all makes me who I am. And I couldn't have been anyone other than me.

Thanks, Dave.

4 comments:

Cricky (Who Is More Than Just A Girl) said...

I often think - Would I have tried so hard to make a better life if I knew he was only going to live 4 months.
Would I have been better off never knowing him?
Should I have ran away with his father to hide from the pain?

Then I remember - My son was the most precious part of my entire life. 4 months of my life were the most heavenly I'll ever know.

Frogdancer said...

It's an interesting question, isn't it? There's no right or wrong answer.... but it's fun to kick it around. Sliding Doors sort of stuff.

Anonymous said...

I have been toying with the idea of writing you and asking that question. After I found your site I have been having mixed feelings about having more children. I am so terrified of losing them. I have never known love like this before and I can't imagine the pain of losing them. You have really helped me put my mind at ease with this post. Even if I lost my son today I know I am such a better person for having him in my life for 2 1/2 years than none at all. Thanks again, I love your site. You are truly an inspiration.

Andrea said...

The days, months and years we get with our loved ones cannot be substituted or replaced. Yes, their deaths are tragic, but their lives are far from it, and they deserved the time they got (and more) as well as you deserved the time you got with them.

I needed this reminder to not take my loved ones for granted. No matter how long they get to live. Thanks, Kim. Big hug.