Did you ever have the feeling that you're running very fast but still stuck in one place? Yeah, me too.
There are so many things going on in my life right now and not one of them show any signs of being resolved any time soon. If you couple that feeling with the general stress of dealing with said scenarios, that explains why I'm short-tempered, pouty and generally in a bad mood.
I'm trying to shake it, by looking at the positive. For example, I've cleaned out my closet in anticipation of possibly moving, so now I can find things. Maddy has cleaned out piles of junk from her room. My kitchen has never been cleaner. My bathroom closet is organized. These are good things, proof that I have accomplished something. I feel better, thinking, yeah, I can do this.
Then I look around at all I still have to do and I get panicky. Wash the windows, clean the gutters, paint the deck, go through the junk in the basement, finish cleaning out Maddy's old room, go through the playroom - GAH!
My good mood is now completely undone.
I've tried deep breathing, I've tried going to my happy place, I've tried wine.
I know there are other bigger factors at work here, the biggest of which is that it's been nine months. In the time it took me to have my babies, that's how long they've been gone from me.
The holidays are looming around the corner. I wasn't a huge fan of them before, and now they are just another in-my-face reminder of happy families and fa la la effing la.
The next few months are going to be hard. I'm going to try to hang in there, but I can't do it alone.
So before I get too far gone in my pit of despair, I want to take a second to say thanks to those of you who help me get through every day by making me laugh, reminding me that I still do have blessings to count, and just being there.