Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Deep Breath

Maddy went to the doctor today. Her new x-rays show the bone is shifting a little bit, so they have scheduled an outpatient procedure for tomorrow morning to adjust the bone, and possibly put a pin in to hold it in place.

I'm keeping it together in front of Maddy, because she's already freaked out. When the doctor showed us the x-rays, I had a feeling it wasn't good. I put my hand on Maddy's back, and as soon as she said the bone had shifted, I felt her tense up. I just rubbed her back, while nodding at the doctor and saying "sure, yeah, let's get it fixed," in a cheery voice, trying to drown out my own internal screeching.

It's all routine and I know several people who have had pins put in, and it will all be fine, sure, yeah, no problem.

So, why is my stomach churning and my nerves are shot and I'm on the verge of tears?

Perhaps because I tend to overreact and imagine the worst. I have always been that way, and even more so now. I don't assume everything is fine anymore. The upside to this is that I'm pleasantly surprised when it all turns out okay.

Or because she is my baby, and well, she's my only baby now. I am not opening the door in my mind to the path of the worst scenario thought process. I keep looking over there, but it's staying firmly shut.

Finally, maybe because I have to rely on faith right now, and that's still difficult for me to do. I'm getting better on the day to day faith, but this is kind of a big deal.

After I dropped Maddy at school, I had a mini-meltdown/rant, then had a nice conversation with God.

It'll be fine, yeah, sure, right?

14 comments:

KBO said...

It's okay to be nervous. It will be fine. It really, really will. Stay strong for Maddy.

willtherebecake said...

It will be fine. Sounds pretty routine and non-life-threatening, though I'm sure poor Maddy is scared.

In the words of Bob Marley, "everything's gonna be alright."

Christian's Mom said...

It's going to be absolutely, positively fine. I don't know where you go, or if they have students or residents, but you can request that only your actual physician or attending anesthesiologist touch Maddy. You don't have to allow ANY students or residents to participate in her care if you don't want to. Just make sure to tell them ahead of time so they can take that into consideration with the schedule. I never even allow residents for anesthesia even though they are licensed physicians. I like to stick to folks that are completely finished with their training, no matter how simple the procedure. :-)

Nora said...

It will be okay.
Pins are routine and they do it all the time.
This of course doesn't change the fact that you are scared.
Be strong for Maddy and I bet you'll find you can be strong for yourself too.

Good Luck. Many good thoughts flowing your way.

SusanIsk said...

You have every right to be worried, anxious, what have you; especially considering your situation. That said, she'll do great.

Jaelithe said...

At least she'll be able to impress her friends by saying, "I've got PINS in my arm. I might set off metal detectors. I'm practically a cyborg!" And she can show people the tiny scars from her stitches and talk about how that's from when she broke her arm while she was skating, so she can show off what a hard core skater girl she is.

At least, that's the sort of thing all of my school friends who'd had impressive body repairs done used to do. (I've already given my son permission to tell people that he got the scar on his face from his tumor removal surgery years ago in a knife fight with pirates and ninjas. Or when he defeated Lord Voldemort. Whichever he prefers.)

I know how hard it is to send a kid off for surgery, no matter how minor. I'll be thinking of you both.

Erin said...

You know, I've had a crisis of faith with nothing like your reasons. You are to be admired for attempting to stay faithful.

minniemama68 said...

Everything is going to be fine. It will, because God heard you when you talked with him. That being said, I'll be praying for her and you too. Because I think God appreciates strength in numbers.

Krys72599 said...

She'll be fine, finer than you if you worry yourself sick!
We're all praying for you and Maddy - just get through this - you got lots of good advise from your internet friends -
Good thoughts winging your way...

My Life My Life My Life said...

This is your baby so even if it were a scratch you have the right to worry. I think we get more worried when our kids are worried...

It will be fine.

Zookeeper said...

You and Maddy hang in there! You're doing a great job being strong for her.

Jill of All Trades said...

Definitely take a very, very deep breath. It will be okay. She will be fine. Take it one minute at a time.

MaLeah said...

Here's hoping for a speedy recovery for Maddy! Let us all know how she's doing!

Marrdy said...

My oldest had his first surgery at 18 months and it was scary! They took him from me and I cried and cried. It is scary. You and Maddy will be fine. You live in a city that has great hospitals and I'm sure wonderful doctors...plus...you have lots of people praying for you. AND you are one strong lady!!!