Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tradition dictates the gift for a one year anniversary is paper, so I decided to get Craig a book he's been wanting to read. There is a Border's near my office, so I decided to pop over at lunch to pick up his gift.
After I paid, I walked through the foyer and toward the doors, but they didn't open. So, I backed up a few steps and went forward again, but they still wouldn't slide open. I backed up and tried once more, this time I stomped my foot in front of the doors, thinking that the sensor was being wonky.
The clerk noticed my predicament and asked if I was okay. I replied, "No, the doors are broken, they won't open." Another clerk who was setting up a display near the door walked over and PUSHED OPEN THE DOOR. WITH HER HAND. Oh my sweet cracker sandwich the doors are MANUAL! They cannot sense my presence and stand aside for me to pass. Color me humiliated.
I stammer my apology to the clerk, explain my assumption, and she says "Oh, that's okay." I'm sure she silently added "idiot," "dumbass," "dingbat," or something along those lines. I don't blame her, I would have too. Hell, I'd be laughing my head off.
I calmly walk to my car and drive just out of sight of the non-automatic doors, then park and start giggling, then laughing, then crying while laughing. Seriously, how do I make it through the day sometimes without harming myself or others? I am such a dork sometimes.
I really hope I don't do something breathtakingly idiotic on Monday, October 4, when I will be appearing live on The Today Show.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I’m having an inner struggle lately – my cynicism versus my optimism. Sadly, my past experience with all this court jazz has led me to view these announcements with a raised eyebrow and an expression of distrust. We’ve been here before and oh look! We’re still here. Waiting. We get built up and then we get the legs kicked out from under us. Again. It’s getting harder to get back up each time. The combination of the announcement that they are deciding to decide, and then a week later we get this one about his latest example of arrogance and audacity damn near did me in last week. I had to take a day to just shut myself away from the world and recover my balance.
Maybe it’s going to get worse before it gets better, at least that’s what I tell myself every morning to get out of bed, and every night to get me to sleep. Darkest before the dawn! That which does not kill us makes us stronger! Things happen for a reason! Patience is a virtue! Tomorrow is another day! Better living through vodka! Oh, wait…
I suppose it is a testament to my faith that I still believe, somewhere deep down in my shriveled skeptical heart that it might actually be over in a month. We might be able to finally close that door, and open so many others.
Until then, I keep busy, making my list of things to do When This Is All Over, and I can focus on the next chapter.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Lately, I find myself looking forward to Fridays more and more. Not in the same way I used to when Fridays usually signaled the beginning of a “whoo-hoo!” kinda weekend. Now Fridays signal the beginning of a “thank you sweet lord I don’t have to get up at O’Dark Thirty for two days” kinda weekend.
It’s also a reminder that I’ve survived one more week. I struggle through Monday, fight with Tuesday, toil on Wednesday, tussle with Thursday, and finally feel a little relief on Friday.
And, I’m one week closer to the end of this roller coaster ride. At least, that’s what they tell me.
Our latest “day to look forward to” is October 28, or sooner, depending on the Court. I feel like a convict marking off days on a wall. I don’t like that feeling.
I don’t like waking up and my first thought being “how many more days?” I don’t like that it's sucking my will to live like a Flobee on Garth’s head.* I'm trying to push through and not allow it to drag me down, but it's getting harder and harder.
The irony is that I want to start doing things that I used to do back in those happy days three years ago. I actually watched Enchanted a few weeks ago, and didn’t cry. It was a huge step for me. I like that I’m starting to let myself feel good when I think of them and the dumb random stuff we used to do. Because the goofy random memories that pop up when I hear a song or see a movie or a TV show are the ones I used to avoid, and now I welcome them for the happiness they are bringing me again.
Now when I do dumb random stuff, I take a greater joy in it, because maybe someday the people I’m with will recall it and feel some happiness as well.
Case in point: a few weeks ago we were driving home from my dad’s at the Lake of the Ozarks. It was a gorgeous evening so we rolled down the windows and enjoyed the fresh air as we wound our way through the hilly wooded backroads. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody came on the radio, and if you can resist singing along ala Wayne and Garth, I commend you. I can’t. It really sucks when I’m traffic and it’s on and I have to almost physically restrain myself from doing the headbang. As we were in the middle of nowhere, we cranked it up, sang along and reenacted the movie scene. Maddy even joined in the fun with the “let me go!” part, after trying to be too cool to play along. Oh, those sullen teen days are fast approaching. But for now, she’s still willing to indulge her crazy mom’s antics, for which I am more grateful than she knows.
*I couldn’t find a YouTube clip of the Flobee, but please to enjoy a little Wayne’s World singalong to make your Friday go a little faster. I dare you not to headbang!
Monday, September 13, 2010
And as for that October 28 date? Yeah, I'll be holding my breath. We haven't had a guarantee about dates from them so far, so why get one now? They rescheduled our trial dates out several times and then couldn't even wrap up the trial when we rested our case, they needed another 10 days. Thanks for the emotional roller coaster ride, we'd like to get off now.
Forgive my general pissiness about this but damn it, what is the holdup? Why does it take this long to make a decision? Why does it have to be drug out for months, years? Why can't it just be over? I'm trying to move forward, trying to move on, and then I get news like this and it just puts me back to square one.